~I grew up in an extreme and dysfunctional environment full of emotional violence. I live with the Damage it caused to this very day.
I don't say that as a Victim; I survived it. I state it as a simple fact of who I am, much the same as my height, my gender and my eye color.
I also grew up with Privilege and Money. Combined with my Damage, all that gives me a unique view of the world, a valuable and hard won perspective. And...
...that Damage also makes me very..'jumpy' in situation like the one we're in right now. Our personal prospects are actually pretty good, but we have to wait things out and there is uncertainly and I don't do well with that. Too much imagination in some ways, imagination skewed toward 'negative outcomes'.
This is when I start to doubt myself and my Path - “Who do you think you are?” “You're too damaged to do this work.” “No wonder no-one will follow you.” - and so on. Self examination can be a double edged sword.
I then have to remind myself once more that I am not supposed to be a Leader, but merely a Guide. It is from among you, my Sisters, that our Leaders are to be found, and especially from among those Sisters who will grow up inside The Sisterhood, who will be nurtured and trained to Own their Power and Know their Path from their earliest days.
That is what keeps me going on some of these long empty nights.