Tuesday, December 28, 2010
"I have a voice activated writing program on my laptop which I've never used. Part of the reason was that my lappy was a little 'problematic'. But now that I'm using my old desktop tower again, the lappy is free of all other functions.
So, I'm gonna strip out just about everything and use it solely as a writing tool. Facing The Page can be a chore for me, but Goddess Knows it's nearly impossible to shut me up once I get going. After that, the rest would just be editing."
~I wrote the above on X-Mas Eve. And then Sunday I got busy with it.
I'd already started transferring the lappy's desktop files I want to keep over to The Tower which has a shitload more disk space. But once I made the above decision, I started the process.
The lappy has a 105GB C-Drive. When I started out on Sunday, there was 34.6GB available. I got that up to 56.6GB by scrubbing the things I would no longer use on the lappy, like Div-X and such. Yesterday, while watching cop shows on The Tower, I did a defrag. It took over four hours, but increased the C-Drive free space to 70.1GB.
I still have a dozen or so desktop files to transfer – a labor intensive process – but they don't take up much space, maybe a couple hundred MB.
Now comes the real challenge; dealing with my weird phobia that I'll 'break the program'.
That's essentially a combination of my Perfectionism and my fear that 'I can't have anything', that whatever Good Stuff comes my way will 'be taken away from me', probably the most destructive 'lesson' my Evil Step Father taught me and one that's still pretty fuckin' deeply embedded, though I have been chipping away at it for years now.
So I guess the most important part of this Resolution is to patiently and steadily push through that fear and keep going.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
~I'm thinking of hiding out for the rest of the day. Got lots of Murder/Death/Kill, including four 90 minute episodes of Wallender, a sort of Swedish Columbo, that stars Kenneth Branagh. It satisfies my need for both Police Procedural and Existential Cinema in one package.
~I feel like I have totally lost my way these past few months, so much so that my initial impulse to give this a “Her Prophet” title seemed false, as if I'd lament my woes and yet work my way around back to The Path by the end of the writing.
Too often these days I do not feel at all like I'm on that Path any more. Not that I've found a new one and am in resistance, but that I'm simply lost and just going through the motions. It is not even that I no longer believe in that Path – I do – it is that I no longer believe that I can actually do anything to unfold it for anyone else.
And I struggle, not with giving up, but with giving IN. It would so much easier to be a regular old guru, to latch onto the seemingly unstoppable bio-cultural juggernaut of bi-gendered Heterosexuality. I have noted that a number of intelligent, but emotionally lost young men see a 'firm but supportive father figure' in me. And Goddess knows there are legions of young women out there seeking a comfortable form of slavery to surrender to.
It would be so simple to 'have a New Revelation' - something semi-Jebus flavored most likely - and switch to that sort of paradigm, become a cross between Santa Claus and Charlies Manson. I know all those fucking tricks, trust me on that shit, kids. And most folks want to be Led and have a desperate need to be Told. There is great relief in not having to Choose and Decide anymore.
*very deep sigh*
There, now I have thoroughly depressed myself...and the rest of you too, I suspect.
Friday, December 24, 2010
~Just doing my best to get through the holidays in one piece. This time of the year has been packed with Drama and Trauma for the greater part of my life – especially in my childhood - and much of that still bubbles in my subconscious.
And all of that is over and things under this roof are relatively calm and peaceful right now, though it has been a rough few months. Even things on the Note Holder front are quiet and I expect will remain so until I poke them again.
So I have a comfy place to live, plenty of food in the fridge, a kind and supportive companion, and Purpose in my life. A far cry from so many preceding holiday seasons. I am doing my best to be Grateful...and, as I said, the Ghosts of X-Mas Past still lurk and I worry about the Ghosts of X-Mas Future. Being a Writer and Prophet makes 'staying in the moment' a real bitch, ya know?
And so I am able to 'stay in the moment' only for a moment and then have to recenter myself. But I can't say I have nothing to do, eh?
Monday, December 20, 2010
The Cult of The Individual is clearly the predominant theme of the Modern Era. And it is a Lie.
Here is the ineffable Adam Curtis speaking upon it in a UK Guardian article: "The way power works in the world is: they tell you stories that make sense of the world. That's what America did after the Second World War. It told you wonderful dreamlike stories about the world ... And at that same time, you were encouraged to rise up and 'become an individual', which also made the whole idea of America attractive to the rest of the world. But then this very individualism began to corrode it. The uncertainties began in people's minds. Uncertainty about 'what is the point of being an individual?'
The politics of our time are deeply embedded in this idea of individualism, which is far wider than Westminster, consumerism or anything like that. It's how you feel. People think, 'Oh, if it's within me it must be true.' But it's not the be-all and end-all. It's not an absolute. It's a way of feeling and thinking which is a product of a particular time and power. The notion that you only achieve your true self if your desires, your dreams, are satisfied ... It's a political idea. That's the central dynamic of our life."
And this is a more somber comment by a Susan W. in Morris Berman's blog: “So much of our lives in America are compartmentalized it does result in loneliness. The way our communities are set up isolate us and make social interaction stilted. There's not much spontaneity and people don't know how to break this cycle and with 24 hour/day TV, the internet, long commutes and loss of real public space the soul continues to be drained out of Americans. It takes effort to see friends and build a social network that is comprised of real flesh-and-blood people rather than "profiles." Both Huxley and Orwell recognized this process of dehumanizing people even though they saw the causes differently.”
The Cult of The Individual is used be The Powers That Be to utterly dis-empower The Individual and it is my depressing opinion that most in The West, especially my fellow Americans, shall never escape that trap.
A chap who calls himself Laszlo Q. V. St-J. Xalieri - a nom-de-blog I expect - speaks of this in his essay The Parable of The Hive, to wit:
“The hive decides who gets to mate with whom and under what circumstances. The hive decides who gets the best food, the choicest real estate, and the cushiest jobs. The hive decides how you live and how you die. The hive decides what you eat for breakfast...
The hive is an invasive species composed entirely of information, of narrative, that exists only for its own benefit, that nurtures individuals — or the opposite — in proportion to how the individual benefits the hive. It is in the best interests of the hive to teach you sacrifice. To make you buy it completely.
The hive, by means of sacrifice and pooling resources, can survive when individuals would fare poorly. Individuals die, but society is preserved...
It has predators and parasites. It has fake members that are immune to the narrative, that masquerade as valuable, favored cogs, that pervert the rudimentary defenses to foil and destroy the drones that would root them out. They insinuate themselves into the supply chains to bleed off resources for personal hoards, for prime real estate, for breeding privileges.
They pervert the narrative itself to set themselves up as gods.
What are the choices here?
1. To ensure survival as much as possible by making yourself invaluable to the hive, but, in the end, putting your fate in the hands of the hive and its narrative.Once you are aware of the hive, and its narrative, and the predators and parasites that prey on it, your choices are very limited. Keep your head down, try to escape, put up a fight, or autolysis.
2. To reject the narrative entirely and live outside of the hive to the greatest extent possible, live and let live, but outside of the hive’s protections and occasionally running afoul of the hive’s defenses.
3. To become a predator/parasite, competing with other parasites for your share of hoarded resources and privileges by your own attempts to co-opt a portion of the narrative.
4. Erect a counter-narrative and create a hive that competes with or even preys upon the old hive, or perhaps establishes a symbiotic relationship with it via an exchange of resources or favors.
What will you choose?”
What most in The West choose, especially my fellow Americans, is to operate in a gray zone between 1st and 2nd choices, thinking/believing that they are in a form of the second paradigm - but utterly in Denial that they are part of The Hive aka “Rugged Individualism” - while functionally operating fully in the first paradigm. That is the Tea Party mentality in a nutshell. Hipsters on the other hand are more aware of this, but blow it off with Irony. The shrinking and increasingly desperate Middle Classes tend to go for the first paradigm full bore, though still remaining largely in Denial about how thoroughly assimilated they actually are.
Wall Street, the New Rich, et al have taken the third paradigm - the 'predator/parasite gods' - to its insane extreme and will likely be the death of The Hive because of that. But such is inherent to the 'narrative' of The Individual, its unavoidable Poison Pill, "Screw you, Jack; I got mine."
So then, what is the point of being an 'individual'? What Purpose does your life have beyond 'satisfaction of desires', many of which are not even really your own? These questions invariably bring us to The Temple and where it stands in all of this.
Obviously we pick Door #4, “Erect a counter-narrative and create a hive that competes with or even preys upon the old hive, or perhaps establishes a symbiotic relationship with it via an exchange of resources or favors,” though we shall reverse the order by initially “establishing symbiotic relationship with it via an exchange of resources or favors,” and then subsuming the 'Old Hive' entirely.
“The central strategy here is The Viral Meme, the Idea that is so compelling and dynamic that that is spreads like wildfire. That Idea exists; a entirely new and modern form of Matriarchy. Our task is to create that Idea as a Practical Reality, a Practical Reality that becomes the microcosm of this new society, a Practical Reality that is vital, replicable, adaptable, and then plant it in the societies that presently exist.
In many places, it shall flourish and expand. In some places, it will struggle and even be extinguished. But if we do our work effectively and remain true to both the practical goals and the Spiritual vision of this New Matriarchy, we will grow into and absorb even the most hostile social orders.” from The Temple's Mission Statement.
In the meantime we must operate in the third paradigm until we are stronger, as “a predator/parasite, competing with other parasites for your share of hoarded resources and privileges by your own attempts to co-opt a portion of the narrative.”
I understand that all this is a bitter pill to swallow. Some of you can likely hear Number Six shouting, “I'm not a number, etc,” in your minds. But that is a delusion at this point. Just pull out your wallet or purse. You are several types of number and by yourself you are powerless. Yes, Worst Fear confirmed. And I am offering you a way to change this. It is a radical and even dangerous path and maybe be a fool's errand. But I truly believe that, for the many reasons elaborated upon in The Explanation, it is the only viable path out of the present death spiral, because it's fairly clear the 'Old Hive' is dying.
So, how many of you, my Sisters, are still in Denial about the nature of your place in the Social Order? How many of you are aware, but cannot yet bring yourself to take action? And how many of you are prepared to join our Hive and work to kill off the Old Hive that holds you in its thrall at this very moment?
This is an adventure and an experiment, my Sisters, and I can only make you one ironclad promise; it shall not be boring.
Friday, December 17, 2010
~If you've been reading me for any amount of time, you're familiar with my ongoing lament about The Struggle To The Face The Page vis-a-vis The Explanation. And, yes, I find it tiresome as well, so I decided to do a review of where the thing is actually at and I'm doing better than I usually think I am, which is all too often the case por moi.
The below are all hyperlinked to the actual content over at The Explanation Blogspot itself.
Her Prophet Explains: "Preface"
Her Prophet Explains: "The Introduction"
Her Prophet Explains: Part One "Her Prophet"
Her Prophet Explains: Part Two "The Temple's Metaphysics"
Her Prophet Explains: Part Three "The Temple's Grand Strategy"
These first five sections are all pretty much finished. They still need a 'once over', some 'polishing' and a typo check, but I'm largely satisfied with them as they stand.
This section still needs 'expansion'. There are still individual parts that are not effectively fleshed out enough, especially regarding The Sisterhood Training and the plans for our shelters. That said, it is largely completed, say four fifths done.
Like the first five, this section is done and just needs a 'once over', some 'polishing' and a typo check.
These two sections – which are really just one, but divided because of website format restrictions – these are the ones that are giving me the most grief. They are full of unfinished stories and outline stubs. And this is the troublesome region of Creative Writing with the extra challenge of operating within an Ideological Paradigm. It is that fraught combination that also makes this section potentiality the most powerful of all. When I 'bitch and moan' about The Explanation, it'll likely be this baby that's grinding me.
The Summation is also essentially done, though I do still agonize over it. It is a 'summation' after and ya gotta hook 'em here or the preceding work is for naught.
Her Prophet Explains: Addendum A [Revealed Knowledge]
Her Prophet Explains: Addendum B [Tales of the Vēkkan Cults]
Her Prophet Explains: Addendum C [Her Prophet Sez It 'Brooklyn Style']
Her Prophet Explains: Addendum D [The Temple's Flag]
These last four are completed in this context and I'm happy with them, though I'd like to fully finish Revealed Knowledge one day.
All in, the above presently runs about fifty thousand words and I expect it to top out at roughly ten to fifteen thousand more. I plan on sharing some rough draft hard copies once I finish three of the stories in Part Six. I'd like some more feedback before I go to press.
And there you have it....
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sure, a few can 'make it' who were not born with a silver spoon in their mouths, who have a 'native talent', but they do so mostly by being ruthless amoral mother fuckers. Bill Gates comes to mind. Now he assuages what guilt he has with philanthropy – a time honored way out for America's Robber Barons – but that does not help those he fucked over on the way up. And that is the way Social Order was essentially designed and has continued to evolve.
So what do any of you plan to do about it? Likely just 'bitch and moan' and get back to whatever piece-of-shit gig the Social Order allowed you to get. And harsh as this sounds, those of you who do so deserve what you get. If one begs for scraps, don't complain about being treated like a dog.
“Who the fuck are you,” some will sneer, “Fat old mental case on welfare living in a trailer park in Buttfuck Nowhere?” Yes, all true...and the evil truth is I'm doing better than literally tens of millions of my fellow Americans who 'did everything right' and I say that not with any satisfaction, but with anger and frustration. And if one includes all of humanity, that number goes into the billions.
While I am Damaged and fought hard to get my benefits – twenty two months of homelessness was part of what I dealt with – the above facts are simply unacceptable. And yet so many of my fellow Americans do accept them and would in fact turn me out into the streets again even as they themselves “get fucked up the ass over and over again” by The Corporate State every single day.
“Something must be done,” is the endless refrain...but what?
And E says, ”Finish writing The Explanation.” I say, “No one seems to care.” And She replies, ”Just finish the fucking thing and you'll find out.” I shrug and think to myself, “Well, what do I have to lose?”
And what are you going to do?