Sunday, February 26, 2012

Today is The Kalends of Ternia 12AS

The Kalends is what we call the 1st of each month. It is always a Eponaday, always a First Day, always a Beginning.

On this day we Invoke Ternia, Goddess of The Third Month of The Year, and ask Her to Guide us and Protect us through all of Her Thirty Days. Blessed Be...

"The concept behind making each month a Goddess in Her own right comes from something E says in Part Two “The Temple's Metaphysics”: "By focusing individual or collective Will upon a specific Aspect of The Creatrix, meaning a specifically Named Goddess – such as Astarte, Kali, or, Bride – a Tulpa may be invoked out of The Creatrix, a part of Her that can be understood and related to, and therefor directed."

The idea here being to Invoke each Monthly Goddess at the beginning of of Her Thirty Days, asking for Her Guidance and Protection during Her Time. To facilitate this, we are reintroducing another Roman convention, The Kalend, Latin for 'announcing' or 'calling' and the basis for the word Calendar, as the first day of each month. Upon the arrival of The Kalend we are reminded to make the above Invocation.

These are new Goddesses and as yet Un-Manifested. Therefore, now as I write these words upon this page, I Invoke them and call then into Being.

By reading their Names, you my Sisters, also Invoke them. And as Common Usage becomes Established Tradition, the Nature and Traits of each Goddess shall make themselves apparent and become fully Manifest. Through this process, we shall Serve them and they shall Serve us, which is ever the proper relationship between Humans and their Deities."

Addendum D [Calendar for A New Matriarchy]

Saturday, February 25, 2012


~I had a good solid sleep this afternoon and early evening. Finally. Actually felt rested for the first time this last week. And of course I had to stop myself from running and doing the things that got put aside. I'm still not 'super' and need more healing. But at least I caught myself.

No news on the legal front. I said to Le-Le earlier that it's likely we're not anywhere near the top of Opposing Council's priority list. The Default Notice 'came due' on Feb 1st and nothing happened. In fact more than a week passed before he responded to my note of Feb 9th asking for 'proof of standing'. Granted, it was a shot across our bow, but it was also on a slow day [President's Day], his paralegal was the server and his office is only about seven minutes drive from here.

I'm hoping this means he's just going through the motions because she does not have a strong standing in this matter. We'll see....

Friday, February 24, 2012

Her Prophet Speaks

"One should always keep a plunger handy."


~As per usual, slowly but surely I am recovering. Been sleeping in four to six hour increments, but supposedly that's how humans are meant to sleep.

I'm still getting little bursts of Fear/Terror, your basic PTSD pattern. I'll get over it. That seems to be my pattern. No matter what shit I get put through, I'm always able to take more of that which “I just can't take anymore of”. *sigh*

Well, fuck me, guess I have an Interesting Life....

Thursday, February 23, 2012


~So, worst case scenario, we've got two to four months left under this roof. The outcome depends upon the confabulations between our lawyer and theirs. We expect something less drastic will be worked out as the issue is about money and pushing us out the door will cost the other side maybe ten grand right out of the gate; court costs, back taxes, rehabbing the house, then selling or renting it plus paying the monthly lot rent while doing so.

We've always been willing to make some kind of payment, but only to someone who has a legal standing at the very least. Part of what will now be revealed is whether or not this woman has any, which is the very question I asked her a year and a half ago, getting no substantive answer. One will now be forthcoming as it's Lawyer vs Lawyer and billable hours are involved.

If she does not in fact have an enforceable claim, then we're back to Square One vis-a-vis The Note Holder. Our lawyer suspects she has 'something actionable' or her lawyer, whom he knows, would likely not have taken her case. I'm rather more cynical. But we should know more soon, possible by the end of this week, certainly by the beginning of next.

At least the fear of Sheriffs [or whomever] At The Door is abated. But the overall issue of where we are going to be living is still up in the air. For those of us in The PTSD Club, that is a highly uncomfortable place to be.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012


~Some of the pressure is for now off, but we both feel utterly brutalized. My PTSD is off the charts and Le-Le's is in the same neighborhood. I'm torn between Towering Rage and Deep Sadness. I'm going lay down in a bit, see if I can get some decent sleep...and we'll start again tomorrow.


~Ugh...woke up with a really upset stomach. Felt like I'd swallowed a hedgehog in my sleep. Sipped milk for a half hour and it got better. *sigh*

Checked the mail for any more legalistic terrorism documents. Just the expected follow up.

And the lot-rent bill was in. Though we were already a week and a half into the billing period when The Oath Breaker bailed, our electric bill was $87 less this month, though it's still about $40/50 more than it would be this time of year. I expect the water bill to show a dramatic decrease as well. That fucking cunt took a dozen showers a week and hit the washer like she was doing laundry for a fucking family of four.

That's about that for now....

Legal War Chest

~Once again we're going to the innernetz to ask for money. *sigh* This is a legal battle over our house. Most of it is pure harassment by someone without any standing in the matter, but if not handled we could end up homeless anyway. And it's also past time to legally finish off The Note Holder and end this bullshit. That means money.

If not for the Oath Breaker we'd actually have been okay for the moment as I had stashed money away, but her running up the electric bill and the water bill etc, drained that reserve, so here we are cyberbegging again.

From Le-Le: “We're in a legal assistance no-mans-land. There's legal aid in LA. There's legal aid in Bakersfield. There doesn't seem to be anything here. That's why we are going the unfortunate route of paying a lawyer, and asking for help from anyone who can manage it.”

If y'all are able, donate here: Legal stuff and a call for help

Sunday, February 19, 2012


~I'd say my general State of Being would best be described as All Over The Map.

It's a little more that three weeks since The Flight of The Oath Breaker and we're healing slowly but steadily...which is as ever not fast enough for me. I want to be Totally Fucking Fine Right Now! and I make myself kinda crazy with that on a regular basis. It's that fucking Patience Lesson that still dogs me.

My writing is roiling just below the surface and yet I'm still not able to muster the...'whatever' to effectively Face The Page. I put various Explanation work files back on my desktop, but so far nothing has popped. It seems I'm much happier playing in The Imperium. That's what lulls me to sleep. I do make notational files on that thing at least, stashing them in the larger working files folder when I finish poodling around with them.

My Higher Self knows that all this will take time. But my 'less higher selves' look around at the unfolding horror of the human condition and despairs...and then castigates 'us' for being so fucking arrogant as to think 'we' could ever have even the minutest effect upon any of it.

I also realize I need to weep some more for a number of reasons I really don't feel like elaborating. I just do. And that tap seems mostly stuck as well. Certain bits of fictional drama manage to wring a few tears out from time to time.

There is a short list of legal tasks that we need to undertake, too...*sigh*

No, I need to just chill for now....

Wednesday, February 15, 2012


~Yesterday afternoon before I lay down again I took a shower and let the hot water run on my neck and for the first time in months, maybe even since the Oath-Breaker got here, I was able to crack my neck. I cannot fully express how much of a relief that was. Definitely a Sign of Healing.

Not much else to say at the moment. Still chillin'...

Tuesday, February 14, 2012


~I'm kinda wrung out today. My tum-tum was very unhappy yesterday. I suspect that had to do with the rather rich dish I made over the weekend. That involved Italian sausage and an entire pack of bacon in a red sauce. It was yummy however. lol

So today I'm 'getting over it'. That means bland food, chillin' and naps.

At least M2E2 Day and Iran hysteria have pushed the Whitney Sobfest out of the news cycle....

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Her Prophet Laments...Again

~Earlier today I was watching Heather McGhee on Bill Moyers and was immediately entranced. For me, she is an Archetype of the Perfect Sister; intelligent, articulate, passionate, dynamic, mediagenic, multiracial and a lawyer!

But around 17:00 I turned the vid off.

Like so many well meaning Progressives, all of her solutions come back to the delusion that Capitalism can be 'tamed'. That is where The Left et al fail time and again. They choke in the clinch.

Capitalism is a beast that ultimately eats its Host. Always and every time. We are near that fatal point now, but anyone who expresses that gets dismissed and derided as a 'godless commie', even by most 'leftists'. Such an opinion is Pure Heresy, in large measure because Communism as practiced in the 20th Century was itself such an abject brutal failure.

This was very depressing, another replay of the false Communism/Capitalism dichotomy. Seeing this woman lifted my hopes for a moment...and then dashed them once more. It's a vicious cycle, both here in my little room and out there in The Hologram. There is Another Way, but the vision of the New Matriarchy as put forth in The Pentavalent slays almost everyone's Sacred Cows.

And that makes it seem a totally unachievable outcome.

During my previous – and numerous – lamentations I have asked myself, “Is this Path really The Way?” I know many think I am delusional and at times I have thought so, too. And yet...

When I sit quietly and reexamine the decades of searching and thinking and observing, I still come to the same conclusion; The Male Must End.

*sigh* Honestly, I really really wish that I had a more 'marketable' solution. Goddess knows such would make my life a whole lot easier. But, in the end, it is what it fucking is, ya know...

..and so it is.

Thursday, February 9, 2012


~I think I'm also fighting off getting sick. We had three months of fairly steady stress and a week of full blown Crisis. The decompression is usually what lays me low.

But I sleep a lot, take supplements, etc, so it's pretty hard for anything to really get a hold of me. However, that don't mean something ain't tryin'.

I did some running around today - nothing major, just down to Staples and Wally's in Lancaster - but it fucking knocked the fucking shit outta me. Gonna eat and such and then climb back into the rack....

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


~I'm sorta blah. Not depressed or 'down', just kind of generally uninterested. I think this is the 'post' part of PTSD.

My dreams have been pleasant and eventful, so sleeping has been especially nice. Can't sleep all the time of course. But right now I'm happier when I am.

I know I need to process this betrayal some more, but I don't have the heart for it just yet....

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Stress Flow

~It seems my stress starts at the top and works its way down. First my neck and shoulders tighten up. Then when the stressor itself has passed, and they loosen up, my guts go all to hell. Finally it shoots out my ass in a hot stream of liquid shit.

I'm in the middle phase right now...


~Another 'long nap', quarter of nine last night until half five this morning. Vivid dreams about working on The Explanation, which I take as a Good Sign.

Was just telling Le-Le about that out on the porch. She said, “The blocks are removed.” She's just woken up, too. Down to fifteen hours. Healing Sleep.

As with yesterday, my head is okay, but thinking about this Betrayal still makes my stomach hurt. So I'll think about other things for now...

Saturday, February 4, 2012


~Lay down around 8am for a 'wee nap'. Woke up around 3pm. Guess I was more tired than I thought.

And yes, all this has been fucking tiring. My head's okay, but it's taken a toll on my guts. The last two breakfasts have been uncomfortable. Even yogurt got a rumbly reception. *urp*

But I've been told Tyger is now 'out of the jurisdiction', back down to LA, where it seems there is an arrest warrant waiting for her on an entirely separate charge, one that we only just found out about. I suspect someone's gonna lock her up for something before the year is out.

Now I think I'll go put our gimp plates [Disabled Person] on the trucklette. They took forfuckingever to get here, but they did save us a hundred bucks on registration this year.

Friday, February 3, 2012

On The Menu For Today

~Sleep, schadenfreude and a cheeseburger.

Victim as Victimizer

~Wherein the ABUSE and/or SUFFERING a person has undergone is considered by them to be so HEINOUS that this then justifies any and all behavior on their part, no matter how said behavior may hurt others, because THEIR DAMAGE has now become more important than anything or anyone else, at all times and forever.



I was up from 3:30am to 7pm yesterday, which is a long day for me, especially as Le-Le woke me up at that time to share this extension of the on-going clusterfuck with me. At the Sheriff's by 7am and then working the phone on and off until mid- afternoon.

A 'retaliatory visit' from Animal Control was also on the menu. [at least Le-Le was asleep for that] I explained what was going on [the AC officer knew the Deputy dealing with this..small town, ya know] and I showed her Flopsie, who is all sleek and plump, and she was like “Oh yes, they're fine” in a few seconds. We talked cats for a few minutes [she was a young 'cat lady' lol] and that was that.

Then talked with Kat for a couple of hours, which chilled me. [thanks, babe xoxox] I had talked with Ana Q yesterday, which also chilled me. [thanks to you too, doll xoxox] Overall both interfaces helped a lot. The Sisterhood, though still effectively unformed, is out there and essentially waiting for me to finish my Major Majickal Working aka The Explanation.

Anyway, I'm up for a while and will likely crap out again before dawn. Fuckin' fried.

And there ya have it...