~I feel like I have totally lost my way these past few months, so much so that my initial impulse to give this a “Her Prophet” title seemed false, as if I'd lament my woes and yet work my way around back to The Path by the end of the writing.
Too often these days I do not feel at all like I'm on that Path any more. Not that I've found a new one and am in resistance, but that I'm simply lost and just going through the motions. It is not even that I no longer believe in that Path – I do – it is that I no longer believe that I can actually do anything to unfold it for anyone else.
And I struggle, not with giving up, but with giving IN. It would so much easier to be a regular old guru, to latch onto the seemingly unstoppable bio-cultural juggernaut of bi-gendered Heterosexuality. I have noted that a number of intelligent, but emotionally lost young men see a 'firm but supportive father figure' in me. And Goddess knows there are legions of young women out there seeking a comfortable form of slavery to surrender to.
It would be so simple to 'have a New Revelation' - something semi-Jebus flavored most likely - and switch to that sort of paradigm, become a cross between Santa Claus and Charlies Manson. I know all those fucking tricks, trust me on that shit, kids. And most folks want to be Led and have a desperate need to be Told. There is great relief in not having to Choose and Decide anymore.
*very deep sigh*
There, now I have thoroughly depressed myself...and the rest of you too, I suspect.