Tuesday, December 28, 2010

New Year's Resolution

"I have a voice activated writing program on my laptop which I've never used. Part of the reason was that my lappy was a little 'problematic'. But now that I'm using my old desktop tower again, the lappy is free of all other functions.

So, I'm gonna strip out just about everything and use it solely as a writing tool. Facing The Page can be a chore for me, but Goddess Knows it's nearly impossible to shut me up once I get going. After that, the rest would just be editing."

~I wrote the above on X-Mas Eve. And then Sunday I got busy with it.

I'd already started transferring the lappy's desktop files I want to keep over to The Tower which has a shitload more disk space. But once I made the above decision, I started the process.

The lappy has a 105GB C-Drive. When I started out on Sunday, there was 34.6GB available. I got that up to 56.6GB by scrubbing the things I would no longer use on the lappy, like Div-X and such. Yesterday, while watching cop shows on The Tower, I did a defrag. It took over four hours, but increased the C-Drive free space to 70.1GB.

I still have a dozen or so desktop files to transfer – a labor intensive process – but they don't take up much space, maybe a couple hundred MB.

Now comes the real challenge; dealing with my weird phobia that I'll 'break the program'.

That's essentially a combination of my Perfectionism and my fear that 'I can't have anything', that whatever Good Stuff comes my way will 'be taken away from me', probably the most destructive 'lesson' my Evil Step Father taught me and one that's still pretty fuckin' deeply embedded, though I have been chipping away at it for years now.

So I guess the most important part of this Resolution is to patiently and steadily push through that fear and keep going.

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