...originally posted on Oct 3rd, 2001..I'd been on LJ about a week or so...
These will be ramblings about, well, The Fate of Men. I reserve the right to change my mind about what I say. [My Feminine Aspect ;) ]
The thought that first comes to mind is that Men have built a Civilization, a Social Order where they can no longer be authentically 'Male'. The main thing I love about "Fight Club" is how it so clearly demonstrates this dilemma. I love to be aggressive, to have physical fights, not to the death, just the "Hey, fuck you!" kind of 'punch up's' I used to have back in NYC when I was a teenager. Try that now, you get your fucking ass shot off!
When I ran anti-war demonstrations back in the late 60's (using techniques I had learned as a National Socialist. Hectic, eh?) after the cops would come and 'break skulls', me and my girlfriend would run back to my house and have the best sex in the fucking world. We even got into this thing of having physical fights, and then having sex, because we loved how the sex felt 'after battle'.
Joanne was a big (5'10/ 155lbs) Italian girl from Redhook, a very tough neighborhood in Brooklyn, and brilliant graphic artist. She owned her 'Masculine Aspect' simply by virtue of being bigger than her longshoremen father, a mean, bandy little Dago. He hit her until she outgrew him, then she started to hit back. I don't believe he ever stopped, he would just 'take his hits'.
She and I went to Art an Design HS in NYC. [That's where I ran the demonstrations. "Nazi" techniques and leftist art students. 'Balance'.] But I saw in Joanne the ability to shift back and forth from 'Masculine' and 'Feminine' that I did not perceive in myself at that time. I have achieved it now after a lot of work both as a poet and through sleeping with men.
But that combination is not practically available to the vast majority of men. Sex with each other, yes. The transcendent experience of poetry, well, not really. Now I'm not talking about a homosexual life style. I connect with women in ways that I never will with men. There is a Spiritual component that shifts my whole being. I can write poetry for a woman with ease. I have tried to write poetry for men, but it will not manifest, not even frankly pornographic poems.
Sex with [and for] men is largely a physical event, with minimal emotional exchange. And that is more common than most people, especially women realize. Go on the 'gay' sex phone lines. Those are mostly married men out there, getting a uncommitted form of fucking that they can't ever get with women. I'm not sure women can do that without suffering some serious psychic damage. We men get some damage, too, but nowhere near the same. We are always about 'becoming', so the hunt for random sex partners is more 'organic' to us.
But in this hunt there is the dominance issue. Who is "Top" and who is "Bottom". This is a sublimation of Men's True Nature in this narrow sexual arena. Because, out in "The World" all males are repressed. [Except at the very top, and the very bottom, of society.] You have to be 'nice'. You have to 'get along'. Struggle is 'feminized' into emotionalist constructs that have no room for overt aggression, which a male needs to be 'masculine'.
This 'be nice' construct does not serve women all that well, either, but they are more suited for it in their 'Feminine Aspect'. "Title IX" has helped somewhat in this regard, (team sports, ect) but most women are still "Good Girls" i.e. 'slaves'. Women need learn to shoot and fence and fight hand-to-hand, to 'internalize' Xena, not merely watch her. I shall say more on this. .
The talent for poetry is something else entirely. That allows me as a man to explore Mystery in a way that is 'Feminine' without repressing me. But I am a small minority. That is not ego. I do not own the talent that I have. It is a Gift that I am responsible for. I shall say more on this, as well.
...I have refined my thoughts upon this over they years, but some of the above has a raw clarity that I some times worry I have lost...