"Her behavior patterns are classic alcoholic behavior patterns.
First, there is the 'charm offensive' where all the best traits – often real ones too – are rolled out all bright and shiny.
Next comes the Honeymoon period [your millage may vary] where everything is Wonderful.
Then, the first act-out, some bit of Drama that gets written off as a 'passing bad mood' or 'being tired from work'.
Then more Drama, with the same excuses...often followed by profound and profuse apologies which are supposed to paper over any and all hurts “I said I'm sorry!”...but never any examinations of Causes....and Don't You Fucking Dare try to examine the cause of the Drama, you self centered bitch!
And More Drama and More Drama and More Drama...and when you finally call them on the Drama, you're either 'not understanding' or 'poking at them' or 'being selfish' or a thousand other 'me, me, me,' excuses/accusations..because THEY are Damaged and Hurt and Tired and various other things..and they usually really are those things, but such never ever gets looked at or worked on. Ever.
And it gets worse and Worse and WORSE...until the whole relationship explodes...and it's aways Your Fault because You Don't Get It or You're Selfish or some such shit. The alcoholic is never responsible for anything. It's always being done TO them.
This works for the Professional Victim, too. In truth drinking [or drugging or whatever] is never the real cause. It makes the behavior worse, but is not absolutely required. All this stems from The Thinking, that “I have been Terribly Abused and that justifies every nasty fucking bit of shit I dole out to the rest of the world...Forever.”
That they usually have been terribly abused at some point merely makes that 'alright'. And until they are Willing to take a long hard look at themselves, nothing anyone else does or does not do will make any difference.
Only hitting a Bottom will bring that about...and Bottom for a lot of folks is Dead."