Saturday, July 2, 2011


~I've come to the conclusion that my depression [aka 'helpless anger'] is getting worse. And that there is no real 'clinical solution' for this as it is not coming from my Inner State. Truth is, shit is really IS pretty fucking depressing, socially, politically, economically and so on. And no amount of psych-drugs are going to change that. Heroin might, but I'm not going there either.

I know that some might accuse me of Big Picture Alcoholism, but I'm not using this as an excuse to 'pick up'. The opposite in fact. I'm sticking firmly to the small dosage of Lexapro [10mg per dium] that I've been on for nearly eight years now. I am eschewing any 'chemical optimism'.

And I'm not giving up. I'll keep working on The Explanation and will keep following my Path. Honestly, that is just about the only thing that gets me out of bed each day. [and yes, having Le-Le and the weasels helps with that too]

This seems like a Passage where my Stubbornness is going to serve me far better than my Faith. And I can be a very stubborn mother fucker....

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