Random

~Dreaming of the Ice Palace again this morning, the brownstone in Manhattan where I grew up. Yeah, we owned the whole building, all five stories, but only the second floor was an apartment. The rest was dedicated to the Evil Stepfather's business, which was fashion photography, and later TV commercials.

It was sold off about fifteen or so years ago, but in this dream EP* had excavated the basement and created a new studio 'downstairs'. There was a huge opening in the old reception area with a staircase. Light streamed upward into the 'old portion'.

EP was busy shooting something and 'noted without noting' that I was fascinated with this new step up. There was a new entrance on the next street over, which had an East 38th Street address, but in retrospect was clearly an LA street, somewhere on the Westside. It sure wasn't East 38th, NYC.

I rummaged around the place, looking for any of 'my stuff' that survived the renovation. Didn't find any. The whole thing started to feel 'constricting' and I had to fight my way back up to waking. Ugh. As I did so I remember that the place was long gone along with anything I had not taken.

While I was taking a shit I had an interesting revelation. Weeks ago a new TV show premiered with an actress I like from a previous show. I watched the first episode. In it a scene takes place in a 'fashion business office'. Lining one entire wall of said office were a trio of EP's most famous shots. What I remembered while sitting there and voiding is that I had utterly erased that show from my mind. Now granted the thing was kinda so-so, but it had mentally vanished as if I'd never watched. Oy...

I've also been having 'homeless' dreams, things like 'forgetting' where I living or that I didn't pay the rent or where I'm living has become someplace else and so on. Fucking hate those. I wake up from them and have to reorient myself, remind me [and the Inner Kids too I expect] that I do have a roof over my head and that, for now at least, 'shit's cool'.

I really wish I could stop dreaming about my family. It's very tiring.

*El Padrasto='The Stepfather' in Spanish.