Sunday, October 17, 2010

Sixteen Years Sober

~Sixteen years ago Oct 16th was also a Saturday. I was two or three pages away from finishing my first screenplay, “An Ordinary Guy.” That was pretty rough as I get get 'too moody to live' when I write and this 'landmark' was kicking my ass Big Time.

I'd also had two very significant romantic relationships grow, flourish, crash, then burn since the beginning of the year, Theresa and Gretchen.

I was a fucking mess. So I decided to get loaded after five and half years rather tepid sobriety. 'Tepid' in that while I didn't 'use' I really didn't work any kind of a Program either. I went to meetings, but didn't do any kind of Step Work at all. Semi-white knuckling one could say.

I had a bunch of Vicodins left over from some dental work. Funny when I think about that. I was wrapped so fucking tight I split a molar from clenching my jaw too hard.

I cleared my sched such as it was for the weekend and made a date with three Vicodin for Saturday night. I don't remember much, largely because it was fairly uneventful. I ate a piece of bread and took the Vicodins with milk. I was always a very ritualized and controlled dope fiend.

The part that is the clearest was around one am, siting in my old polka dot Dotson in the parking lot of the Lucky's at Ocean Park and Lincoln watching the fog drift across the mercury vapor lamps and thinking 'how great it was to be stoned again'.

And then it was over....

I didn't go out on a tear. I just went about my life and 'forgot' the whole thing for nearly two years until was doing an actual 4th Step and my sponsor at the time 'went south' and became a Scientologist. *snork* That shit shook the memory loose. I was like, “Dude, you fucking went out!”

I rolled down to the Log Cabin Ass-Crack-of-Dawn Meeting, put up my hand, got a couple of good laughs when I shared the above, found myself a new sponsor and finally finished my 4th Step after roughly seven and a half years of going to meetings.

But it was that Sunday back in '94 that was my first day sober this time around. So, today, October 17th, is my sixteenth AA Birthday. Go me!

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