...this is an anniversary it is still tough to observe...
L'Hotel De Enfer Ne' Plus Ultra
{which basically translates as "Hotel Hell To The Max"}
Sep. 18th, 2003 at 6:47 PM
~Well, I am now homeless. Last night, after EP {Note 9/17/10: El Padrasto=The Stepfather in Spanish} had been screaming at people all day, he picked a fight with me. I didn't buy in, but he ranted anyway. Then my mother started in, first by telling me she's canceling Tanya, the compugal, and that I should 'get a job'. Then she physically attacked me, scratching, punching, throwing bottles and pulling my hair. I pushed her away and she fell [she was drunk as usual] , but she came at me again.
At this EP came into the kitchen [where all this was happening] and she said I tried to choke her and he then tried to stab me with a pair of scissors. Now, of course, I could have beat them both unconscious, but that would have only dug my grave completely. So I dial 911. And the fucking cops arrested me!
I spent the night in jail in Beverly Hills and today I was charged with "Dependent Abuse", a misdemeanor, with a court appearance in two weeks. And I now have a restraining order saying that I cannot go within 50 yards of the house or call.
I am totally fucked now. I have a pair of jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt. everything else is at the house, ID, clothes, vitamins, scripts. I am at my friend Jeremy's house right now. He is letting me spend the night and tomorrow I will start working my Monday AA phone list for..well, everything. ::sigh::
Sep. 17th, 2004 at 1:23 PM
...a year has passed..I swam nine laps that day..lay naked under the sun..I had talked with Amy earlier.. she babbled her usual bullshit about white men..as if the white ones were any worse..we merely have more power..ultimately it was an red man who knocked her up and bailed..'dumb bitch'*..talked with Nancy after swimming..she could hear EP screaming in the background..and that was a good four hours before he started in with me..::sigh::..I'm calmer today..The Barracks have been quiet and the sky overcast..I've been remembering the conversation with E in the pool that day..I was peaceful all day..I suppose somewhere I know that my freedom was coming...and that I was being prepared for the storm that would precede it...{*was still very bitter about her}
..'I have been to the top of the mountain'..
Sep. 17th, 2005 at 8:35 PM
..8:12pm/'in casa'..
~Just around this time two years ago [it was a Wed], the shit was bubbling at Hotel Hell. Over the course of the next few hours there would be screaming, threats, violence, the police, handcuffs, lying, all culminating in my arrest.
~This afternoon I took Leesa to the airport and cried on and off all the way back..home.
~So today was a Good Day, for all its pain and echoes of pain.
~After shopping, I pulled onto Sixth Street hoping for a parking space not too far from my front door. And there, directly underneath my window, was an empty space with nineteen minutes left on the meter and a Vons shopping cart abandoned right next to it.
~I was so ecstatic, I accosted this blond who just happened to be walking by. "Excuse me, but I have to share this experience with somebody, etc etc." We both laughed.
~Certainly, a Good Sign. And just in case I get too cocky, when I went to the library to get quarters for laundry, this local loony who really gets on my nerves blathered at me..and I didn't care.
I ate, washed my hair, posted a bit [ahh, 24/7 Internet], and went to take a nap. L called at that moment from Mini/St Paul. [two hour layover..blah]
~We chatted a bit, but I really needed to sleep. [we'll talk when she gets home] And I cried myself to sleep.
~It's weird in this apartment by myself once more. I'll [kinda] get used to it, I suppose.
~But it is all mine..and this third year of Liberation from Hotel Hell brims with Promise. Stay Tuned...
Today
...and now here I am up in the desert in our comfy double wide. Le-Le's asleep in the other room. Tina will be up here next week. And The Explanation is at over 50,000 words.
It's been fucking rough at times, and will likely have times when it will get rougher, but Positive Forward Motion has been maintained.
And so it is....
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